every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
