the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
