i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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