He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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