We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
