I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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