My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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