Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize