The maid of honor just puked.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
