My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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