dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
