a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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