Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
