well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
