lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
