So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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