just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I currently don't understand fingers.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.