Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
