he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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