alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's never too late to be topless.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
