Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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