No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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