im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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