he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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