Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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