He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Too much gin, very little bucket
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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