when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
