Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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