Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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