We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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