Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
