If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
