He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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