I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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