Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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