you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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