I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
