Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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