I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
