I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
