I want to have your abortion
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
