Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
