There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just high enough for therapy.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
