Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
