My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
