Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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