My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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