I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
