she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
