You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
