Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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