ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Randomize
