Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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