I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
