He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
