The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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