I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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