Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
