Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
