Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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