The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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