The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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