my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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