My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is my gift to your gina
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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