We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
