I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
