My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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