She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
