This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
