So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
