I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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