We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
