that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
