You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
