for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
