he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
