3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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