you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
