woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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