I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
