You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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